The following article and activities are based on information from “The other kind of Smart”, a book by Harvey Deutschendorf on emotional intelligence.
Harvey emphasizes the value of self regard rather than self esteem. Self regard is:
An accurate assessment of the way we are, taking into account our strengths as well as our weaknesses.
Self esteem is an increase in self-worth without necessarily earning it, leading to a person with little motivation to ever change. This type of person can be rather dysfunctional and unadaptable person in a world of constant cause and effect.
Meanwhile those with high self-regard are more likely to support others because they aren’t threatened by them. They are also less likely to put other down than those who have high self-esteem but low self-regard.
1. Run, dont walk, from people who put you down or diminish you in any way. You can’t bring negative people up, they will drag you down.
2. Set goals that are achievable but hard enough to have to struggle to reach them.
3. Keep a book of accomplishments.
4. Ask others what they think your strengths are.
5. Celebrate your accomplishments.
6. Habitualize acknowledging other people’s accomplishments and support them in pursuing their goals
7. Do you like yourself?
When i think of buying myself something expensive, do i ever have thoughts that i am not worth it?
Do i feel myself shrinking into the background when a powerful person is around?
When asked to do something new at work or given more responsibility, do i have doubts as to my abilities?
Am I attractive, average, or below average in appearance? What makes me think that I am? How do I feel around people who I see as smarter and more talented?
What about my friends? Are they attractive? Talented? Successful? Do I look at people and tell myself that i could never be friends with them because they are too good looking or smart?